Vacation

Well with all these blizzards, floods and Ice storms ive decided my hot wife and I will just head off to St Thomas for a week, so please try to hold things together while we are gone...... see ya

new low

Wow, feel a little pathetic today.... sign into yahoo, glance at the headlines, paris is a slut, brittany is a ho, boy kills 8 in a mall....press the button for yahoo finance, my stock is doing ok, log out.... never even read about those tragic deaths, has mass murder become so common? have I become so insensitive? is it christmas time? where is John Wayne, J Kennedy, and Jimmy Stewart when you need them?
and I actually AM santa claus........

wow!!!

Yesterday I had the luck of getting to drive through a hundred yr flood in the dark (280 miles) I kinda thought it was cool but the wife seemed a little bit nervous, I know people watch TV and think anyone out in that crap is stupid but Caron and I have an awesome memory now of the challenge we succeeded at, we, together made that flood our bitch....... and yes we are still alive, we wondered though where the Washington national guard was in this state of emergency....but then realized that rather than being in Washington state, the state that pays for them, they are safeguarding someone in the middle Easts freedom, so who cares about us citizens and their homes and safety when a near third world country over seas ( that will never take care of the freedom we give them and slip back into dictatorship within 10yrs) need them there protecting.........nothing....muslims....desert.....men who oppress women....men who put guns in the hands of children....women who stand for it.....men who stand for it.....tyrants.... and the citizens who will not fight for their own quality of life......cowards... tyranny doe not exist in societies with integrity and spirit, you cannot covet your own life and freedom...the two cannot coexist

The sky is falling!!!

Wow, it seems the crappy weather I had in alaska has followed me home. Nothing but rain and wind, 4inches of rain and 40-65 mph winds and I have to drive to Seattle this afternoon. Road closures and state of emergencys everywhere, this is going to be interesting!!!

HO HO HELP!!!!!!!!

Ive spent most of my adult life wandering... fishing for a living doesnt really tie you to land or a specific home. So now that married life has tied me to a small corner lot and a humble sized home the task of christmas lights has fallen on my shoulders. And I must admit it is freakin killin me!!! put up string of lights, they dont work, get smart and test next set before install..... all good. Cover front of house, plug in...crap! middle string doesnt flash like rest of them, wife notices, back to page one. Wire reindeer dont stand up well, overload front light socket and crash wifes computer in the middle of work.. say some very unchristmas like words.... start over. cant you pay anyone to do this?

how to build a bomb

He He! sorry but I have no idea how to build a bomb, just having fun with my stat counter to see how many of you out there are tryin to build one... building a bomb is a felony so you really should think it over before you do it, hey what the heck im gonna throw in terror, free money, 14 yr old girl looking for sex, and how to build a meth lab too.... now bring on the cyber hits!!!!! unemployment rules!!!

most intelligent form of life?

A flash of tan in the Serengeti grass sets off an explosion of energy...ten thousand gazelles pounding in a dust flurry, weaving in and out rarely if ever so much as tapping its fleeing brethren.... fifty thousand starlings swirling in a vortex of wonder and amazement over the Sky's of California...two million herring swimming and darting to and fro in an Alaskan surf...never colliding... one stupid f*&^g human being, stopping dead in the middle of the rollers in security at the airport to put on his shoes coat put away his laptop and start calling someone immediately less we think he is unimportant and has no friends or purpose, who are we kidding? how can we be intelligent when we have no awareness of anything out side our immediate tunnel vision? walk through the airport, get a coffee at Starbucks, watch a father ignore his amazing wife and adorable child......and tell me we are the highest form of life.

beer money

My wife came to me today and told me money was getting tight, and I would have to stop drinking beer. So i caught her buying sixty dollars worth of make-up I asked her why I had to give up my beer? She said the makeup was to make her look pretty for me..... I told her thats what the beer was for, I don't think she's coming back...he he, how yall doin? Its good to be home again.

Tired and worn out

Well I realize I have been absent without a note from my mom for a while, two more weeks in alaska and then home sweet home. But only for about ten days, then back at it. I wish someone would pay me to write, then I could just sit on my porch like Hemingway and drink......

ENVIRO.....MENTAL!

The blog following is for the author of "these come from trees"
I admire and respect the people who live their lives with a cause, but I cannot stand a f@#king hippie. an uneducated green warrior inspired by a moment of clarity in a franchise store decides to save the trees after watching a few people in bathrooms wash their hands.......creepy
So eco super hero I offer you this.
Virtually all pulp wood is grown exclusively for the purpose of making paper, it has been at least twenty yrs since an old growth fir gave its life for someone to wipe their ass. Plum Creek timber co. Boise Cascade and midland Paper all manage over a million acres of hybrid tree farms ( super trees that grow 6-12 ft a year) in locations trees have never existed ( Columbia basin, eastern Oregon, southern Idaho) Old growth timber is logged, sold in log form to the Japanese they turn some of it into lumber, and some they sink in giant lakes to use 100 yrs from now. The wood you buy in the states mostly comes from Canada because it is cheaper to produce there. Deforestation is a problem only in south America, and it is a huge one. That wood ( rose wood, zebra wood, and several kinds of oak) goes to making floors and furniture for uneducated people in the bay area like you. Who are willing to kill the world for style, but not clean hands. The timber industry keeps billions of acres of wild areas in a natural form, allowing citizens access to them with few rules. As a rule most wildlife flourishes in 3-15 yr old logged areas, with a few birds and 1 or 2 mammals suffering.....you have to break a few eggs to make an omelet. So next time you see some jerk sitting in a Bombay company executives chair.....yell at him, treat him like a smoker, push him on the ground and kick him. But leave the rest of us alone.....after all we are only trying to keep our butts clean.

"these come from trees" can be found under blogs of note.

There Back!!!!!!!!

WHOOOOO HOOOOOO!
I dont know how old you are, but if you are 35 like me you probably remember the red and white striped bottles of POP SHOPPE soda. They went under in 1983.... but by the will of God a man Named Brian Alger has re-opened the franchise. Rootbeer, black cherry, and of course the amazing pineaple soda will soon be in my belly! Im so happy I might actually cry.... hey mabey the rolling stones will get ba.... wait, those old bastards never did break up did they.......Oh well the sodas back.

THANKS BUT I ALREADY GAVE AT THE OFFICE

Got my cell phone bill today, the regular bla bla bla...but then I noticed this little 3.23 tax. Whats this? so I read on...federal universal svc fund? A govmt tax to help low income people have cell phones and to help improve cell sites for better coverage? f&*k that! what the hell do people with low incomes need a cell phone for? and why does the company that my household pays $400 a month to need additional money for? that is what the bill covers for the love of mike!!!! And furthermore I would NOT like to donate a dollar on my electric bill to help pay for low income households and quite sending your darling children to my home.... would you like to buy a candy bar for $7.50 so I can go to band class? WHAT DID THE GOVERMENT DO WITH THE $35000 I gave them last year in taxes? What? a war? were did they get the money for that from? What? you mean they just made it up? No way! i can smell a lie like a fart in a car.... If that was true they would do that for schools and gov health care and all the other things this country needs more than 15 strait years of war. I mean If the gov could just come up with 150000 a day to fight a war they would do that to end Hunger, aides, poverty.....and if we were gonna fight a valid war we should attack Texas, they have been sending spies to the whitehouse trying to finacialy ruin the states for years, a way bigger threat than some poor ignorant country across the pond. you are making my head hurt with all of this...im going to go have a drink. PEACE
(but if your kid comes to my house I will probably still buy the candy...I love me some chocolate!)

THE CLAMS ARE RUNNING!!

Today started early, 4 am to be exact. Caron and I decided to go clamming this morning in seaside/gearheart beach. It takes us about an hour and a half to get there and the tide was an early one. So now I sit here tired from two hours of driving and two hours of clamming to get our limit. (15 a piece) We kinda just walked down the beach and didnt go at it too hard. Might go again tommorrow, We are having guest down this weekend and clams on the deck with some wine sounds nice. I know your thinking, sounds like expensive clams with the price of gas and time but hey....were suckers for a mist cool six am walk on the beach with 20 thousand other people.

Random

YOU KNOW THAT LOOK WOMEN GET WHEN THEY WANT SEX???......ME NIETHER!

say waaa?

Today I saw someone with a big expensive education ranting on tv about how america is ready for a female president...... hmmmm thats funny cause according to katie curracs (is that spelled wrong?) ratings we are not even ready for a female primary news anchor... but I suppose that doesnt mean anything, does it?
If Hillary is elected she said she would give her husband Bill the job as US ambassador to the world... ha ha,
can you just imagine him bedding hot women from strange other places like some real life captain Kirk.....
I bet John Stewart and the daily show is just dying for the pair to get elected!

mondays tips

Choking on an ice cube? simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat... and presto the blockage is gone!

clumsy? avoid cutting yourself chopping veggies by having someone else hold them while you do it.

avoid annoying fights about leaving the toilet seat up by just using the sink.

and remember... everyone hates your dog......exept you.

WTF

Well since I never get the parts list right we had to return to Home Depo (lumber store) for more stuff yesterday. The parking lot was full to capacity with the exeption of a ginormous square of handicap parking spots right in the front.. like 30..........empty...not even old oil spots in them........ Do people who are so handicaped that they require special parking do alot of home improvements themselves????
You dont have to be the head checker down at the Wal-mart to realize that you don't need 30 handicap parking spots, or even those battery powered carts with three wheels at a do it your self lumber yard.
Caron says its the law.. Well next time im parking right in front and just gonna drool down my face and drag my foot and pretend Im putting in a wheel chair ramp for myself .

Flirt update...

Saw the coffee girl today at the grocery, she wasn't working, shopping and she appeared to be with her boyfriend. She smiled a smile aimed at the ground and looked away..he looked at me, then her and said something sarcastic ( like what you looking at that wimp for) and smuggly walked away.
He was wearing cut-off levis and an orange county choppers shirt and a von dutch hat.
I felt sorry for her. He hadn't shaved in about a week. GIRLS DON'T DATE BENEITH YOU!

Mondays advice

A mouse trap placed ontop of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.

Bad cough? take a large dose of laxitives.....then you will be too afraid to cough.

High blood pressure? just cut your wrist and let it bleed for a few minutes, thus relieving your blood pressure, Remember, use an egg timer.

and most of all kids, remember..most people seem normal untill you get to know them.

blah, blah blah

I was just wondering if it is ok with you guys if I really don't give a big fat doody if Paris Hilton is going to jail? Really...uh don't really care. But what I really am blown away by is last nite a woman on lets make a deal.
Homeless from Katrina, living with her sister, broke, sad, and hopeless was offered 123000 smackers and let it go for a chance for more....... she won $5 giving her the pole position for this years greedy dumbass american award. Note to self... If broke beyond belief and Howie Mandel offers me $50.......Take it

busy weekend

On day two of hall and bath remodel, new tile, trim and beadboard, will post some photos later....wish me luck!

Im such a slut

My wife knows im a flirt, she's ok with it cause she knows I love her, thats why she was able to laugh at this-
The coffe girl at the tullys stand in our local fred meyers has always flirted with me, mostly for tips and sport I suppose, but she does it and it does feel kind of nice.
Today I went in and ordered our usual, two white chocolate mochas, irish cream and before I could finish my order she looked at me and said..no whip, I shot back, lets just start with handcuffs..and smiled, ......................
time stood still, the two other people in line just stared at me, this little coffee stella with red hair finaly had skin to match...... 8.25 please was her only remark, I cant help but think I might have just killed our coffee flirtation affair......me and my big mouth.

Tipping

Hmmm, you ever tip the girl at Mcdonalds who gets you a milkshake? The person who works the drive through at your bank? The meter reader in your power company? No, no,no? Me neither.....so why does my wife keep tipping these people at starbucks and drive through coffee houses? It drives me f@#$ing nuts!!! They have no skills, there is no additional service provided after the inital purchase so why do they imply that they deserve gratuity? I tip the guy who pumps my gas, becouse he is often working in adverse conditions ( in oregon you cannot pump your own gas) no one else I know does. But the hot little ass shaker who screws up my coffee 3 out of 5 times gets tons of tips...... THIS IS STUPID.......STOP DOING IT...... Tips are for legitimate servers in places where they take care of you continously, not becouse your wife is ugly and the little spinster gives you a woody, and ladies I don't care if you used to work in the field and tip every person who puts a plastic jug on the counter becouse you feel for them.......IT IS STUPID....STOP DOING IT. I would prefer to give my dollar to a homeless person. These jobs are entry level, paying them more only promotes them remaining there longer than they should.....not tipping will only drive them to improve their station in life.. therefore giving them the gift of success.

ello cain I elp u?

True story, circa 8:15 monday morning.

Sexy sultry voice: Thank you for calling the washington mutual easy phone credit line, for service this call may be recorded, press one to talk to someone in India, Beruit, or Lebanon.....BEEP 1

operater: elo, maay ei hiave yuuur tin deget id nueeembeer

Me: uh

operator: tha nuuumbeer ohn botom curner of invitetiooon

Me: sorry, dialed the wrong number.......click

cant even do my business over the phone, on a good note..Im actually begining to understand close to 81 languages!!!!!!

Far too stupid to understand

The rose, ah, the symbol of love, every one has its thorns ya know.......bullshit
The rose gets far too much press, I myself would hate a love symbolized by a rose. Roses die, trust me, the 75 bucks worth of flowers on my wifes desk prove it......one day, DEAD (hope our love lasts longer)
Roses are weak, expensive, over done and worn out. I introduce my symbol of love.......the dandylion.
Dandylions can survive anything, heat, cold, lawn mowers, ortho round-up, what a stud of a flower!!!! What? you call it a weed, an invasive species? well isnt love an invasive species? I used to have my own pad, GONE, I used to spend my own money,Gone gone gone, I even tried to kill our love, but it survived, yes the dandylionis definately the crest of my marriage. Even when the flower is gone seeds appear, springing forth ten times more dandylions than before, if unhinderd they would envelop the world, just like love, undestroyed. So, if you truely love someone tommorrow give them a batch of this resiliant little weed and see if the person you love is deep enough to get it..........or dump them.

Keep your handi-capable child out of my life!!!!!!

Yesterday as I walked out of the grocery I saw a young man in the stores work attire push a cart directly into my passat, I just about lost it! I raced forward to confront and brace this moron he turned to face me and I was abruptly stopped, The booger trail and No.3 ceasar haircut instantly Identified him as one of the stores "special needs" employees (destroying overpriced german cars) Ok so I admit Im one of those people,You know, the guy who bought a vw becouse he could not afford a benz. And I listen to Bob Dylan while smoking Marb reds cause I think Im cool or something. (my other car is a crap 89 bronco though, street cred?) So I approached slowly and of course faked like it wasnt my car and did a lap to avoid him as not to embarrass the man who just creamed my auto. But in hindsight Im pissed that I had to avoid this interaction becouse he may be of diminished capacity or easy to upset, screw that!!!! I am tired of waiting in the coffe line or drive through cause some idiot thought it was a good idea to put an elderly person or handi-capable person there during rush time. I understand promoting people to work but dammit parents quit lying to your children!!! You cannot do anything you put your mind to! You cannot be a marine welder if you have asmha, if you weigh 300 lbs you cannot be an olympic sprinter, felons cannot be cops (they can however be politicans) Hillary Clinton cannot be president! Its a fact, You cannot be "anything" you want. So I have made a list of the Jobs these people can do.
1. Road work shovel guy.
2. President
3. realtor
4. suicide bomber
5. High school gym teacher (pay back time bitches!!!)
6. purfume sniper at wal-mart
7. food sample guy at costco
8. us ambassador to Poland
9. my cell phone providers operater ( hey if they speak english well that would kick butt!!)
10. Vice president

So in closing, I feel better! this blogging rules!!!!